I’m obsessed about growing an audience, increasing my followers and learning how to market effectively. As a writer, it is essential to be your own best marketer. While forming my grand strategic plan for dominating the writing world (I may have delusions of grandeur), I recognized a flaw. I am not posting my work.
Fiction writers would call this the “fatal flaw” of the main character. This is mine: finishing and publishing.
This is my third post in over a year on Medium. Ten to fifteen drafts of unfinished posts scatter my account. I write, think, write, doubt and leave. I work on long-term book projects, start new projects and then vacillate between all of them. Projects get worked on, but nothing gets completed.
Do you relate?
My story.
I suffer from the malady called perfectionism, which is flanked by high anxiety. New situations cause these to burst forth and if I don’t know how to do something, I become paralyzed. My skills in navigating this crushing challenge have improved over time, but it still hits me every once in a while.
After I bought my first new car, I froze and panicked because I didn’t know how to go through the automatic car wash. I’d been in the passenger seat many times, but never did it myself. In the past, I would wash it by hand, or someone else would run it through when they drove the car. Eventually, I faced the fear of going through the car wash, but it took an inordinate amount of courage and determination to get through that fear.
I use the car wash as an example because, to most people, it’s absurd to be apprehensive of the car wash. Would it then surprise you I could get up to a microphone in front of 500+ people and give a speech with little to no anxiety or need to be perfect?
We all have limiting beliefs about being capable of completing a task or navigating a situation. Some of these are real limitations, but many of them are false and are based on our perceptions of ourselves. Learning how to debunk these limiting beliefs is vital for success.
My unique sort of perfectionism revolves around looking stupid or uneducated. If I don’t get it perfect, I may come across unintelligent. Yes, we can take this back to my childhood and the difficulty I had in school. Others easily moved through school books and tests, while I took hours to grasp a concept and hired tutors to bridge the gap between my brain and the material. This led a young woman, me, to believe she was not smart enough to become a writer.
Former high school classmates would be surprised, since I received above average scores and held my own in advanced placement classes. What they don’t know are the hours I spent reading and rereading or crying over an open book because I didn’t understand what I read.
That said, this isn’t about what challenges I went through, but the ones I go through in order to move toward my long-term goals and how I overcome them one at a time.
Debunk the limiting belief through examples.
Once I understand what the limiting belief is, I can harness the experiences I’ve had to debunk the belief. For example, if I believed I am not brave enough to post my work, I would look at all the times I’ve been brave and posted my work before. The smallest example works here, even from many years ago. Perhaps I showed my artwork as a child in a public viewing, or I shared my writing at a writing group. Both would count toward debunking this limiting belief.
If I’m not able to come up with an example of doing a similar action, I look at the larger action of being brave. I would write several ways that I’ve exemplified bravery in the past. Here, the example of giving a speech in public, or going to a foreign country on my own, would qualify as being brave. Note that these moments are subjective. What is brave for you may not be that way to someone else. The important part is to get your mind to change about this limit you are setting and to see how it is wrong.
Change your perception.
The mind uses limiting beliefs to help keep us safe from all types of pain. Based on background experiences, that safety will be more extreme in some areas than in others. While looking at limiting beliefs, I have to consider the truth. Does that limiting belief hurt me? How does it hurt me? How can I see this belief as hurting me more than it is keeping me safe? My need to be perfect in writing a post is trying to keep me safe from being humiliated. Yet, it prevents me from earning money through something I love. Plus, I cannot learn how to get better without exposing my writing to the world and getting feedback.
Understanding how to change the perception of the limiting belief will often dissolve it, allowing one to step into a new level of living.
Create new emotions.
The above suggestions are mental and may not capture the emotional power a limiting belief has over you. It’s a good idea to drum up the emotions that overcoming this limiting belief would give to you. Imagine how you would move through the world differently if you didn’t have that mindset?
Emotion is the most powerful way to change a mindset. If you can create an emotion more intense than what you feel around your limiting belief, you will win at changing that belief.
It takes persistence.
Navigating and moving through old patterns takes persistence. When you think you’ve figured it out, a new scenario catches you in the middle of the same pattern. This is normal. To switch them, understand how they show up and when, so next time you can do better. Every time it comes up is an opportunity to see how far you’ve come to removing it. You will notice as time moves forward, the significance of that mindset will recede and then one day you’ll be surprised at how far you’ve come.
Remember, limiting beliefs can impede any goal you have. If you are struggling with motivation, procrastination or finishing a goal, check in with yourself. See if a limiting belief could hold you back from taking action and writing the post.
This is my post to restart the dream of becoming a paid writer. I hope you’ll join me and take action towards your dream.